Lie to Me

Tell me it's going to be alright
When I close my eyes, while there's no light
Tell me it's going to be untouched
That I'll come back, to how it was

Tell me that in leaving I won't miss a thing
Not a breath or a heartbeat 
But if none of this is the truth
Then would you
Lie to me, please

Tell me there's no need to worry
Look me in the eyes, convince me this time
Can you really tell me you're not worried
Because I see your eyes, and they can't lie

Tell me that in leaving I won't miss a thing
Not a breath or a heartbeat
But if none of this is the truth
Then would you
Lie to me, please

I can't out run reality
And I can't pretend that I don't see
But that doesn't make me ready to face anything
My nightmares should stay in my sleep

Tell me it'll all be over soon
Say that my heart won't break
But if none of this is the truth
Then would you
Lie to me, please

I Promised To

I promised to love you
Now I'm facing your fear that I don't
And I promised to be there
But my back is now to you and I won't
It's nothing you did
And it's nothing you can change
I thought I knew you
But now to me it's clear I never did

Love You, Love Me

I watch you, you make me smile
and I love that look in your eyes
So tender, so innocent
But you're not convinced, you're not convinced


I call out to your heart by name
I long for you to not be the same
He is so in love, called you deserving
But you feel so unworthy, feeling so unworthy


And I wish your sight was as clear as His
So you'd see what He sees in you
What I see in you

First Star I See Tonight

we wish on stars

and airplanes

four leaf clovers and other lucky charms

and i wish that i could wish and it would matter

i wish i could save your broken heart

i wish that you could see the looming danger that's waiting in the dark

but you choose to close your eyes

and wish upon your own stars

wishing that things this time would be different

but lets be honest

it won't be

i wish that would make you wish differently

but that's asking too much of the stars

Naked Flesh Under Your Favorite Dress

it's still you underneath it all
naked and exposed
raw
you dress it up pretty with the flowers and the lace
too bad the dress doesn't cover your face
for therein lie your eyes
the windows to your soul
and what lies beneath the surface of dyes and cottons and linens
making it fashionable doesn't make it forgiven
or forgotten or painless
you've prettied up the ugly truth
and even if the world doesn't notice
you do
and at sunset you're afraid to take it off
afraid you'll see the shame in the mirror
at morning and night you dress in the dark; curtains drawn
afraid to be seen by even the stars
your favorite dress hides nothing that a t-shirt and jeans won't cover
but they're not the same
they don't make you feel lovely despite the ache
the loneliness; the brokenness
but your favorite dress won't fix this mess
underneath still lies the naked, broken flesh

Leave the Rest at Arms Length

I wish for once you would let my into that head of yours
I wish for once you would open up that door to your heart
I don't think it's truly too much to ask
But that empty look in your eyes is all the answer that I need back

What Now?

What now God?

What do I do now that the one I loved has become the one I can't trust?

What now God?

Now that the hour is upon us and that beauty I was revered is gone?

What now?

What now that he promised to love me and the echoes of that promise have faded?

What now?

What now?

What do I do now God?

I didn't want this to end, not like this, not after so little time. 

But I don't think I can do that again.

Love with open arms, an open heart, and closed eyes.

I am cold and tired now. 

What now God?

What now?

What now that he promised not to let me down and still I've been falling for days?

What now?

Back Before It All

here i sit for the millionth time
ive got a lot of words
but i cant even make them rhyme
none of them come mildly close
to saying what i want you to know


but ill keep trying
to form the perfect phrase
even if it takes me
the rest of my days

I'm Losing You

i can't feel my fingers and i can't feel my toes
i can't feel my heart or the ache in my soul
i can't feel the anger and i don't feel the fear
i can't feel the beauty, it's all just disappeared

they say life goes on and i know it's true
but how can life go on when i'm losing you

i'm losing you
i'm losing you

This Road I Travel On

it's all around
it steals the silence now
it's in their eyes
no more hiding

questions arise
fear enflames
as nightmares turn to days

but hope will be my story
and peace will be my song
LOVE will be my guiding light
for this road I travel on

it's killing hearts
and tearing mine apart
they're needing more
but don't know what for

anger will rise
and they'll start to blame
as nightmares turn to days

but hope will be my story
and peace will be my song
LOVE will be my guiding light
for this road I travel on

they need You now
though they don't know
I'm gonna make sure
they know You've shown

cause tears are gonna fall
and hearts are gonna break
as nightmares turn to days

but hope will be my story
and peace will be my song
LOVE will be my guiding light
for this road I travel on

Lose You

If I'm going to lose ya

Then I want to choose it

And since I'm going to lose ya

I want to lose you now for good

Dreamer

i used to be a dreamer, but i should've known better

than to wrap all my dreams up in you

I Can't Do This Dance Anymore

We've been dancing for years

Taking turns taking the lead

But I'm tired

I've been tired

I don't want to do this anymore

I don't see having the energy for this tomorrow

Neither one of us can make up our minds

And we're never ready together

It's easier not to see you

Not to talk to you 

Because then everything I feel fades

And I don't have to worry

But I do worry 

With you I worry about everything

I worry about being good enough

I worry about doing it right

I worry about letting you in 

And I mean all the way

I get near you 

And I become that fragile girl all over again

The one I thought I had overcome

The one I thought I was supposed to be stronger than

But everything I thought I learned pales in light of your face

Your sound

Your smell

And I swear I'm not crazy

I'm not obsessed

And this is not an infatuation

Hell

I don't know what this is

I don't know what it's not

I just know I have fought and fought and fought

I've walked away

I wished away

I spoke you away 

And still I can't let go

I tell myself I'm over you

I tell God I'm over you 

And then you tell me you miss me and I realize none of it is true

And I'm tired

Aren't you tired

Why aren't you tired

I want to surrender but I don't know to who

I want to let the fragile girl I turn into fall

But I'm afraid

Afraid to let you catch me

Afraid that you won't

Afraid to be out of control

To trust without knowing which way is up

I'm good at looking out for myself

It doesn't hurt when I don't meet my own expectations

And I'm afraid you won't know what to do with me

With my heart

Lust is easy

Safer

So we foolishly think

And thought

It's not

It makes trusting harder

And I'm tired

So tired I can't give up

I don't want to do this anymore

I can't dance this one more night

But I can't get my feet to stop moving

And I can't tell my heart to stop feeling

Every time I think I have it under control

I'm reminded that I don't

So I evade

And avoid

And ignore

But that only works for so long

Eventually my heart finds its way back to your door

And before I know it 

I'm knocking

I don't even know what this is

I don't know if its love

I don't know if its bondage

It could be the worst case of stubbornness

But I can't keep doing this

And the truth is

That I say all this now

But when the morning comes I will be right back at it

I can't help it

And haven't been able to in years

God help me it's always been you

And so far there's been nothing I can do

I think too much

And curse myself

Nothing helps

The lights faded black long ago and there's only silence

But still we dance this

I Learned to Live Half Alive

fool me once, shame on me
fool me twice, everyone will blame me
it's the story i was force-fed
i had no choice but to eat it
it beat me
robbed me
left me for dead
and no one came
they all walked by, but no one stopped
i played dead until i had the strength to pretend
kissing the pavement changed me
taught me
taught me i'm on my own
because all the words they spoke in love gave no comfort
my body ached
my wounds bled
and only the ground bore witness
bearing my stains, catching my tears
it stole the love i loved the most
but no more
i pulled my heart from its gentle chest
sealed the jar and left
i was never going to hurt again
nothing out 
nothing in
partial win
i learned to live without it all
save for anger
it keeps my scars company
keeps them burning with the vivid memories
memories that haunt and threaten to break the jar and rob again
i hold it close
to look but never touch
it took the love i once loved
and i learned to live half alive
half alive is half dead
part of me never left the ground

Dad-

with thoughts so innocent most of the time

eyes so creative

smile so charming

laughter so boyish

you'd never know what lies beneath

what he fights so hard to keep

just beneath the surface

and who could know

no one would know

not until they saw

they witnessed

and even then they couldn't be certain of it

you don't know unless you're looking

and once you find 

you don't want to see

i wish i didn't see

seeing makes me responsible

for what i know

and hence forth what i do

i'm at war with myself on where to stand

i want to err on the side of Truth

but truth is relative

for everyone else involved with this

to each his own solution

but nothing is getting fixed

in fact it's getting worse

and the boyish feelings are getting hurt

not to say he should take no fault in this

but he alone did not create the magnitude

of this mess

and he alone can't fix it

but he believes it's all on him

and doesn't care to change

no one gives him the option

such a shame

Window thru Her Soul to My Past

you always find someone
even if just someone
who is you
at least the you 
you used to know
someone talks like you
writes like you
breaks like you
and makes you ache like you used to
someone still trapped behind the walls you made so comfortable
someone wanting
someone barely breathing
someone with scary dreams that keep them running
and make their muscles ache
someone with cold eyes
and colder hands
lacking strength to break
break free
break through
break out and be alive
someone who makes you feel lonely
lonely like the times you thought no one could understand
no one would understand
or no one would care enough to try
someone who takes you back
to places you left
places you forgot
places that another life long ago held you down
and kept you lost
a place you never wanted to be again
but someone brings you back there because 
someone needs a friend
someone needs a victor who can pull them to safety
someone needs a saviour who wont broadcast their rescuing
someone needs a silent avenger to slay their demons
someone is trapped
slipping
waiting
waiting for that release
for the blackness to set it
and you know this because youve been through this
and someone knows this too
so someone reaches out to you

Token of My Gratitude

Dears Readers, 

I just wanted to take a moment and tell you all how wonderful you are! Getting messages asking how come I'm not posting is a lovely feeling, helps me know that my words are appreciated, that they are making a difference to someone and that will always be enough to continue to do what I love! And because of you, my love for writing only grows! 

xo

B