When I Look At You...

When I look at you I see someone
Strong and
Confident, yet
Fragile.
I see someone
Spontaneous and
Down to earth, someone
Adventurous.
I see someone who
Wonders if there's more,
Hopes this world isn't all there is, but is
Afraid to trust in something they can't see.
I see someone
Motherly and
Childish, someone
Compassionate and
Charming.
When I look at you I see someone
Witty and
Funny, someone who
Loves to laugh.
I see someone who
Doesn't just want to be told it's going to be okay, but who
Wants to be held in such a way that you don't need it to be said.
I see someone afraid, and
Tired of living in fear.
I see
Greatness.
I see
Perseverance.
I see
Humility.
I see a
Gentleness that you are
Timid to act on because it makes you
Vulnerable.
I someone who was told you
Couldn't do it, and not because you can't, but because you are
More than
Capable.
I see someone who wants to
Trust, wants to be
Loved, wants to
Let Go, wants to be at
Peace, but is
Afraid it won't work this time because it hasn't before.
I see someone
Dying to break free and
Afraid of that freedom.
I see someone
Burdened, but
Afraid to lose the weight.
I see someone who is easily taken for
Granted.
I see someone who questions their
Value, their
Importance, their
Impact.
I see someone who wants to
Change, someone who
Doesn't want to see them self this way anymore, someone who has the
Fight in them to make the change.
When I look at you I see someone
Lost,
Longing, someone
Hopeful and too
Stubborn to give up.
I see someone with a
Beautiful future.

How Do You See Her?

How do You see her?

Is she scared?

Angry?

Is she strong or barely holding it together?

Is she indifferent or defeated or lost or lonely?

Does she feel lovable?

Does she consider herself worthy?

Does she know she matters?

Does she feel special?

Is she willing to trust someone other than herself?

Does she even trust herself?

Is she trapped?

Can she open her heart?

Is she bitter or unforgiving?

Is she looking for something more than what she sees?

Does she wonder if You're real?

Does she want life to be different?

Does she believe it can be?

Does she talk to You and wonder if You're listening?

Is she bearing a burden?

Is that burden more than she can handle?

Is she afraid of what it would feel like to put it down?

Does she want to be happy for no reason?

Does she wonder what real peace feels like?

Is she afraid to be herself?

Or afraid she can't change the person she sees in the mirror?

How do You see her?

If she looked into Your eyes what would she see?

If she took a moment and let You quiet her world what would she hear You say?

If she took Your hand, what would she feel?

Safe?

Nervous?

Excited?

Free?

If she followed in Your footsteps where would she go?

How do You see her?

How do you see her while she's working?

Eating?

Sleeping?

While she's being a mom?

A friend?

A sister?

A daughter?

How do You see her?

How do You see her right now?

Whatever You see is what I want to see.

Whatever Your eyes, lips, and hands would say,

I want mine to say the same.

The Truth

I don't want you to love me if I have to ask
And I don't want you to hold me if you have better plans
So tell me the truth what do you want to do now
As far as I'm concerned you've taken every word you spoke and thrown them out


Go ahead and say it's my fault
Tell me I am to blame
But honey it takes two
I know I made my mistakes
But if this is to break
Then honey you broke it too


I'm not as fragile as you think
Go ahead and speak the words to me
I'm not afraid of the truth
Baby that's you


I don't want you stay if you hate coming home
And I don't want you to lie to yourself anymore
So tell yourself the truth what do you want to do now
Every promise you made you've already thrown out

Different This Time

Easier said then done

To fight the fight you know can't be won

But you did it anyway

Even when it was out of reach

You never shifted your eyes from your dream

But now it's gone away

You had your heart set in a life

And now both are broken

You're dying on the inside

You won't say it with your words

But you scream it with your eyes

It was supposed to be different this time

Maybe Tomorrow...?

I wanted to hold you close tonight

whisper to your soul it's going to be alright

but my arms aren't strong enough this time

I feel so out of place and out of touch

like no matter how hard I try I will still never reach

I want to promise you a love worth fighting for

but your hope is fading that it exits anymore

this would be so much easier if I knew the girl you were

the girl you see in the mirror

the girl the world says you are

I only see the girl you're called to be

and you don't even know what that means

you'll read these words

and they'll just be words

and they may tug at your heart

but you'll be afraid to find out why

and I want to whisper to your soul it's going to be alright

but my voice isn't strong enough this time

I wanted your soul to see

you heart to feel

your mind to know

but I don't know if my hope is strong enough this time

I've never stood before a wall I was too afraid to climb

til now

and I've never truly stared into the eyes of someone who truly bought the lie

til now

and everyday I wrestle with the fact we both can't be right

and proving that you're wrong seems impossible

so I'm on my knees again tonight

begging to be proven wrong

to be shown I'm strong enough for this 

and more

because I can't bear the thought of you missing this

I know you now

and that makes a difference

I wanted to hold you close tonight

whisper to your soul it will be alright

but my arms weren't strong enough this time

Maybe Tomorrow...?

I Will Never Not...

I will never not miss you
I will never not love you
I will never not pray for you
I will never not hope the best for you
I will never not remember you, and
I will never not smile at those memories
I will never not speak kindly of you
I will never not see you as destined for greatness
I will never not see you as holy and worthy and wonderful
I will never not see you as a masterpiece
I will never not look at you with compassion
I will never not stand in awe of your strength
I will never not be breathless by your beauty
I will never not stand in your defense
I will never not be there
I will never not remind you of your heart, and 
I will never not remind you of the truth
I promise I will never not...

Paint Your Pictures About How It's Going To Be

you're wanting

waiting

wishing

something

you're afraid to admit it 

because what if it doesn't exist

but you can't deny it

it's part of who you are

you know this because you've tried it

you've tried to wish it away

pretend it away

will it away

all for it to come back and smack you in the face

your wanting haunts you in your dreams

you can't escape it

and you've tried it all to satisfy it

sex

drugs

money

alcohol

relationships

fast cars

work

parenthood

but none of it ever seems to be just enough

the ivy league education doesn't matter anymore

the platinum albums and oscar trophies don't matter anymore

the volunteer hours and charitable donations don't suffice the way you would like

you could be handed the world on a silver platter 

and i promise you it still wouldn't satisfy 

and at the end of the day

you're still going to find

that even in your comfortable bed

your company will be those restless thoughts that keep you from sleep

and the next day you'll try again

you'll hear that you matter (and you do)

that you make a difference (and you will)

but all the outside praise won't erase the existence

of the longing your soul was created with

it won't change the fact that your soul is waiting to be permitted to have a conversation with its Creator

your soul is dying to introduce you to your Maker

so no matter how hard you try

until you are properly introduced to The Christ

that longing is programmed to never subside

and will continue to torment you

even on your loveliest of nights

because though you won't admit it 

i can see it in your eyes

you're wanting

wishing

hoping

something

but

you're afraid to admit it

because what if it doesn't exist

but you can't deny the desire

it's part of who you are

and you know this because you've tried 

It's All About Priorities

i just want to shake you  up
wake you up
make you see
that even when you don't know Him
when you don't believe
putting Him on the back burner
in the backseat
is still a backward arrangement of your priorities
and it kills me
because i could say all of this
but you still might not get it
because you don't know
and my heart gets tied into knots
and i can't form a sincere thought that won't make you feel judged
i can't text you 'ok' or a smiley face
because it's not okay and there's nothing to smile about
and i want to tell you all about it
but i don't want to rush you
and i don't want to be insensitive
but time is sensitive
there's no promise that there will be enough of it
i want to tell you that you're crazy to put anything else above Him
but you don't know better
you've never known better
how do i tell you differently
without backing you into a corner

Daddy I Need Your Help

Dear Daddy,

I know it’s been awhile
I’ve tried to start this letter
No less than a thousand times
But the tears always beat the words
And I drown the page before my voice gets heard

Dear Daddy,

I can’t do this alone
I need Your help
This pain I feel won’t let me go
I’m finally done with trying on my own

Dear Daddy,

Can You feel the weight on my shoulders?
Can You tell me how to make it leave?
I don’t want to bear the burden that isn’t mine
I have enough right in front of me
To keep me occupied

Dear Daddy,

I feel like my world is unraveling
Like all of this is just happening
And I can do nothing but watch and wait
For it crash
Because I honestly don’t think it will fly

Dear Daddy,

I know I know better than this
I don’t need to write it all down to get You to listen
I don’t need to hold it all in
That won’t fix it

Dear Daddy,

Do You think we could start brand new?
Can You carry all the things I wouldn’t let You touch at first?
Can You be the remedy when the ache starts to burn?
And can You carry me when I’m too weak to bring myself to my feet?
Daddy please,
I need Your help

I See Myself

I see myself

with my hands in my pockets

helpless

I see myself 

turning my back up

fed up

I see myself

opening my mouth

losing my voice

I see myself

shrugging my shoulders

in defeat

I see myself

pretending there was never a 

you and me

I see myself 

pushed away

aching

I see myself

unable to 

let go

I see myself

watching from a distance

still in love

I see myself

never

seeing you again

Pockets Full of Nothing

my hands shoved deep into my pockets
like they're deep enough to hold the well of words i cant bring myself to say
staring at the ground
hoping my thoughts are written there so they will flow more easily
but every time i open my mouth to speak i stop myself
certain its all going to come out wrong
do i say it even though it won't be pretty
do i save it because you won't listen anyway
my hands are digging in my pockets
looking for all of these answers
but coming up empty

Me Without You

never wanted to say goodbye
always thought it would make me cry
i don't know what i feel
its so surreal
just surreal
i fought so hard to keep you
i fought so long to stay
pictures decorate my walls
but you're gone
i never thought there'd come a day 
when i didn't see your face or hear my name
this is just proof
you never know the future 'til you're in it
so now here we are
so much further apart then i ever dared to dream
we would ever be
and i want to tell you i miss you but
i don't think you're ready for those words
so i'll just speak them in a whisper to the world
i wish i could come home
wish you would be there
wish i was not alone
but
this is where life has brought us to
me without you

I Don't Know What to Call It

love had
love loved
love lost
love so cherished now the cause
of all frustrations
frustrations that only mask the pain
all sarcastic utterances covering up
the only words she wants to speak
the questions that will never be met with 
answerings
how could you leave?
how could you not say goodbye?
did you forget you promised?
this wasn't just your life...
it was ours and i didn't get a say
and now...
now i don't know what to say