Paint Your Pictures About How It's Going To Be

you're wanting

waiting

wishing

something

you're afraid to admit it 

because what if it doesn't exist

but you can't deny it

it's part of who you are

you know this because you've tried it

you've tried to wish it away

pretend it away

will it away

all for it to come back and smack you in the face

your wanting haunts you in your dreams

you can't escape it

and you've tried it all to satisfy it

sex

drugs

money

alcohol

relationships

fast cars

work

parenthood

but none of it ever seems to be just enough

the ivy league education doesn't matter anymore

the platinum albums and oscar trophies don't matter anymore

the volunteer hours and charitable donations don't suffice the way you would like

you could be handed the world on a silver platter 

and i promise you it still wouldn't satisfy 

and at the end of the day

you're still going to find

that even in your comfortable bed

your company will be those restless thoughts that keep you from sleep

and the next day you'll try again

you'll hear that you matter (and you do)

that you make a difference (and you will)

but all the outside praise won't erase the existence

of the longing your soul was created with

it won't change the fact that your soul is waiting to be permitted to have a conversation with its Creator

your soul is dying to introduce you to your Maker

so no matter how hard you try

until you are properly introduced to The Christ

that longing is programmed to never subside

and will continue to torment you

even on your loveliest of nights

because though you won't admit it 

i can see it in your eyes

you're wanting

wishing

hoping

something

but

you're afraid to admit it

because what if it doesn't exist

but you can't deny the desire

it's part of who you are

and you know this because you've tried