Wednesday, June 30, 2010

This Is the Story of a Girl

she is only one
but she is all of them
she breathes in and out and
tries to make her life make sense
she tries with the best of them
and falls like the rest of them
she’s scared and
lonely and
uncertain and
scared ever still
she cant let her heart break because
what if no one is there when its over
what ifs
every souls’ enemy
the fastest way to take you from your feet to your knees
unless youre ready
unless you know
unless someone tells you
you’re not the first
wont be the last
and you’re not alone
but vulnerability is never easy
if it was
she’d be less like her
and more like Him
but she’s angry with Him
feels as though He’s been unfair
all He ever seems to do is take
and she can’t take it anymore
she never stops to think
that He’s taking things she doesn’t need
she just knows
it’s out of her control
and she hates
so she hates Him
but would never tell you
she’s broken
and longing
and wanting
but afraid
afraid that what she wants will be gone before it’s hers
afraid to know her own worth
and afraid her worth won’t be worth much
she’s afraid to fight to reach the surface
to know Love
real Love
she’s afraid she’ll lose it all if she lets it all go
afraid to ask the questions
afraid to know the answers
because even though she says she isn’t
she’s truly too afraid to know
she searched
but never found
so now she doesn’t look
what you can’t see can’t be real
can’t hurt
out of sight
out of mind
out of pain
she’s surviving just to live
and barely succeeding
her bleeding
damaged heart
with an unrelenting ache
never lets her rest
even when it’s needed
she is only one
but she is all of them
she fights for security
and yearns for her independence
but with him
those don’t exist in tandem
there’s always a demand for sacrifice
for compromise
and she makes it thinking she has no choice
her desperation to keep from being lonely
has robbed her of a voice
but she can’t see
what she has isn’t love
it’s duty
and when that duty has been fulfilled
she’ll be right back where she started
lonely and hurting and confused
she’ll think there’s something wrong with her
but she won’t like that thought
as soon as she can she will move on
she’ll find something else to fill that hole
she can’t tell that as she fills
it grows
and will forever remain unsatisfied
until she  finds the right Guy
and chances of that are slim if she never looks up
she is only one
but she is all of them
she thinks she has it figured out
she thinks she knows herself
but her eyes are blinded
and she’s chosen that because it’s better than seeing
seeing means responsibility
seeing means changing
and change is frightening
but change will come
no matter what
because if know one else
He loves her that much
loves her enough to never leave
and to never leave her as He found her
it’s going to be difficult no matter what
and she will fight
she will cry
she will beg for it to stop
and it won’t
because sooner or later she will have to know
the truth
about all of it
her fault in it
it’s going to come
and she’s not the only one

Monday, June 28, 2010

Stationary Future

IM LOOKING FORWARD
BUT STANDING OH SO STILL
I WANT TO MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE
BUT IM STUCK HERE WITH YOU


WE PLAY THESE GAMES THAT NOBODY WINS
AND ONLY HURT IN THE END
BOTH TOO STUBBORN TO ADMIT WERE AFRAID TO GIVE IN


I FEEL LIKE IVE WASTED MY LIFE
WAITING FOR THAT PERFECT MOMENT THAT DOESNT EXIST
I WANT TO FINALLY LET GO OF
FAIRY TALE NOTIONS, SHADOWS OF A WISH
I MADE ONCE UPON A STAR
BUT IM STUCK HERE WHERE YOU ARE

Fine Line Between Love and Hate

i hated you
i loathed you
you were hell bent on making me miserable
i resented you
you did what you wanted and somehow
it worked for you
most days i couldnt wait to get away from you
but a day wasnt normal without you
and at the end of those days
i found myself missing you
missing you turned to loving you
thought i never wanted to
and most days i still wish i didnt
but i cant help it
in the morning you remind me why i cant stand you
but by nightfall
ive fallen in love with you all over again

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Now I'll Never Have the Chance

So tell me what do we do now?
I thought we could make this work somehow.
Wanted to change your mind, 
I guess I ran all out of time.
Can you tell me what I did wrong?
So I can make sense of it with this song.
Could I have fixed what I broke?
I guess we'll never know.


I'm sorry for the words that I wrote,
Sorry still for the ones I never spoke.
Laying lifeless on pages on shelves,
All the feelings I was too afraid to tell.
It's my fault for wasting time. 
Hiding, hoping you'd be fine
If you never heard what you needed from me
Believe that I'm sorry.


I made the selfish mistake, 
Believing you would always stay.
Now it's all too late to fix, 
Do you think you could ever forgive?
I wish I could take it all back, 
But I burned you with my last chance.
I broke your heart to the core
And you finally closed the door.


I'm haunted by the end in my sleep, 
Waking wishing it all was a dream.
How could I have hurt you so bad?
Can I beg you for one more chance?
I promise that I will make it right.
I will love you for the rest of your life.
I'll tell the world what you mean to me, 
You are my everything.


You were my once in a life.
I'm sorry I never put up the fight.
I wish that I would've said that, 
And now I'll never have the chance.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Broken Boy

im breathing deeply
patiently waiting
all of this is in Your timing
but sometimes
i have a hard time with strategy
i just want to get things moving
but theres an art
to dealing with the heart
they are delicate in design
and as stubborn as they are fragile
so ill leave this work to the Masters hands
for He knows just the places to touch
to produce the desired change
i will wait and pray

Wondering

i cant tell if i want to see or leave you

ive said goodbye once already

not sure my heart is strong enough for round two

but ill clench my fists to hold my shaking hands steady


that look in your eyes is still a breath of fresh air

and right now im in dire need of breathing deep

risking everythig once more ill lay my heart bare

maybe tonight pleasant dreams will fill my sleep

Im Sorry Pretty Girl

hey pretty girl
do you have a moment
you can spare
i said some words
i didnt mean
it wasnt fair

i dont have any reasons that dont sound like excuses
so ill keep them to myself
i dont have an explanation fo any of my actions
but i wsh to take them back

im sorry
for my foolish ways
im sorry
for my selfishness
im sorry
for pushing you away in all of this
i should know better than the rest
im sorry

hey pretty girl
can i get that smile
back to your face
know i love
whatever happens
that wont change

(written for friends)

you tried
to fool me with that smile
and its a shame
it never agreed with your eyes

'cause damn i love that smile

you tried to put on a brave face
that didnt cover up the pain
such a beautiful girl
alone against the tempest civil world

the first thing you told me
was "you dont know me"
and then again
for good measure
in that moment i knew i did
and i would wait forever
we'd stand against the world together

you are my dream come true
an im your happily ever after
id gladly wait for you
forever if i had to
see i knew i always knew you

and now ill always love you beautiful girl
its us against the world

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Broken Hearts Are Hard to Shake

a breaking heart is hard to shake
its hard to imagine another place
where its not dark and
it doesnt pierce with pain