This Is the Story of a Girl

she is only one
but she is all of them
she breathes in and out and
tries to make her life make sense
she tries with the best of them
and falls like the rest of them
she’s scared and
lonely and
uncertain and
scared ever still
she cant let her heart break because
what if no one is there when its over

what ifs
every souls’ enemy
the fastest way to take you from your feet to your knees
unless youre ready
unless you know
unless someone tells you
you’re not the first
wont be the last
and you’re not alone
but vulnerability is never easy
if it was
she’d be less like her
and more like Him

but she’s angry with Him
feels as though He’s been unfair
all He ever seems to do is take
and she can’t take it anymore
she never stops to think
that He’s taking things she doesn’t need
she just knows
it’s out of her control
and she hates
so she hates Him
but would never tell you

she’s broken
and longing
and wanting
but afraid

afraid that what she wants will be gone before it’s hers
afraid to know her own worth
and afraid her worth won’t be worth much
she’s afraid to fight to reach the surface
to know Love
real Love
she’s afraid she’ll lose it all if she lets it all go
afraid to ask the questions
afraid to know the answers
because even though she says she isn’t
she’s truly too afraid to know

she searched
but never found
so now she doesn’t look
what you can’t see can’t be real
can’t hurt
out of sight
out of mind
out of pain
she’s surviving just to live
and barely succeeding
her bleeding
damaged heart
with an unrelenting ache
never lets her rest
even when it’s needed

she is only one
but she is all of them
she fights for security
and yearns for her independence
but with him
those don’t exist in tandem
there’s always a demand for sacrifice
for compromise
and she makes it thinking she has no choice
her desperation to keep from being lonely
has robbed her of a voice
but she can’t see
what she has isn’t love
it’s duty
and when that duty has been fulfilled
she’ll be right back where she started
lonely and hurting and confused

she’ll think there’s something wrong with her
but she won’t like that thought
as soon as she can she will move on
she’ll find something else to fill that hole
she can’t tell that as she fills
it grows
and will forever remain unsatisfied
until she  finds the right Guy
and chances of that are slim if she never looks up

she is only one
but she is all of them
she thinks she has it figured out
she thinks she knows herself
but her eyes are blinded
and she’s chosen that because it’s better than seeing
seeing means responsibility
seeing means changing
and change is frightening

but change will come
no matter what
because if know one else
He loves her that much
loves her enough to never leave
and to never leave her as He found her
it’s going to be difficult no matter what
and she will fight
she will cry
she will beg for it to stop
and it won’t
because sooner or later she will have to know

the truth
about all of it
her fault in it
it’s going to come
and she’s not the only one