Not Easy to Let Go

i said that i was done-could do no more-couldnt be your shoulder-you took it well-that made it harder-i was in over my head inside-i was losing my mind-not a day goes by where i don think of you-part of me wishes it wasnt true-i try to find peace-my heart tosses and turns-its at war with all the plans i had before-i hear you knocking but i cant open the door-i pretend not to hear-but i tear inside-youre begging for a place to hide-solace-a refuge to call your own-youre running from the place you prayed to call home-hoping that getting away will take away the pain-and forever i will pray-find the void and fill it with the only One who can satisfy-overdue but worth the wait-its every souls torment-out of reach yet we keep reaching-stop-let your hand fall to your side-you have something to offer this world-dont live by its rules-life is what you make it-make it your own-see the writing on the walls-every move youve made-recorded-you stumble over things once owned-darkness settles-the home of the light switch unknown-its getting harder to let go-harder to give back-youre eyes used to looking at the past-what was-what could have been-you cant believe shes gone-lips telling you to move on-you cant-youve tried-love is overwhelming-did you expect it to hurt so much-is this what you asked from love-expectations made now youre afraid-told yourself to forget but you wont-remembering provides a morbid comfort-the pain-a mistake?-its making you pay-you crucify yourself-its her face you see as you bleed-has forgiveness been reached?-youre running-hoping for peace-you know its not gonna stop-youre convinced-im not-this can be overcome-all that lies have undone can be restored-mountains shouldnt be ignored-love does not give up-we give up on love-you want to hear the line"youre enough, youre all mine"-you try to fight the time-its all in your mind-cry-youre losing your grip on a point to this life-dont believe the lies-satan will force you to swallow them-you prayed itd be easy to stay-all your dreams turned to fantasy-you close your eyes and see her face-everywhere you turn youre reminded of what didnt take place-accept my humble apologies-things didnt go the way you hoped-so run-i wont stop you-i pray youll find what youre looking for-go to the places you already know-dont look back-just go-but this will always be home-i know you know-but run..til you fall-run til you run into God-run til your troubles beat you to your destination-actions determined by frustrations-logic out the window with everything you thought you knew-this is not the boy i talked for hours with-what happened to him-did self pity win-do you enjoy wallowing in it-are you looking for a reason to stay-you know you cant look at me-i dont want you to go-i dont think its safe-but i cant beg you to stay-not the role i was meant to play-so take a step-ill take another-no matter what-ill be there-just look over your shoulder-but dont cry-let Christ dry your tears-let Him mend your tears-you want to run-run there-to the arms that are always open-to the love that is forever-hang onto Him-He'll take you out of this place-to where you belong-you get dizzy from what lifes become-youre not the only one-you make me want to cry-i feel like i lost-what i cant tell you why-strangers weep-for you...for me-oceans deep-thats where i want your fears to be-youre lost without her-thats not true-hearts broken-all tokens used to replay what went wrong-times passed-too late to turn back-whats done is done-lift your head-see the Son-only whats ahead can you now change-smile-cry tears of sweet relief for better days-reconcile-forgive yourself as youve been forgiven-dont ask God to take it and continue to wear the shame-His blood covered that-in all your frailty-He meets you where youre at-youre not the only fragile one-people change-we will break and then be made whole-fragile but beautiful-you feel forsaken-left with your mistakes-its your curse-your memory-eyes have grown tired-you prayed not to be wrong this time-and its not my job to hold your hand-weve been through this-i cant-you wonder who will be there when you wake-the Son of Man is here to stay-you want to step out of the conscious world-will that do any good-you cant do it alone-but feel it would be easier-come and take a walk with Him tonight-He will show you a brighter side-one no mortal eyes have seen-a canvas just for you-and you wont understand-youre not meant to comprehend-not yet-but when you wake youll see the light-and He'll be at your side-as He was when you closed your eyes-you cant control the things that she cant do-you can control you-here in this moments weakness-shed the tears-move on-the warmth fading-you beg for its return-but cling to the memory-somethings better than nothing-you want to know what life looks like from the other side-youll see-an open mind cant find all you hide-a polished lie-saying its altright-as long as it comes back someday-its gone to stay-earn the right to speak-lips buckle-emotions freeze-i looked away-i wanted to stay-i know its better this way-you cant have me when i have the one you want-yesterday will be okay-you thought it would last forever-He'll move you to something better-i know youve not forgotten-but theres nothing left to remember.....

This One Isnt Mine

This one isn't mine, but it sent chills down my spine. It's so eloquently written and it deserves the grandest audience possible.


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The world will chew you up, and spit you out.
Use your best attribute, till your raw, and without
Reminds you to dream, but never lifts a hand to help.
Suppress this, forget that...Be real, but not broken
genuine , but not yourself.


God you loved me despite my mess
unafraid when i broke-down and cried
Or ran, when I showed what was inside
Never afraid to talk about the hard shit
Or offer a hand outta this pit
That doesn't rhyme, you don't fit
When everything fails- His love remained untamed- unapologetic
Always faithful...there, even when i wish it wasn't


Clever words & twisted tails
Distort the truth & leave you pale
People say they'll love you hard
but leave you if it goes too far
Afraid to get too deep
so the muck and blood won't stain their sleep


Life's been like a brittle tree
Help yourself, so you might break free
Reach up, just to find that it snaps
Hoping one day, you might gain back, what you used to have


Pat down your pockets
watch it pass
roll your sleeves up
Bare your bones
Grit your teeth, and flash your best


Work your hardest, pay your dues...
never mind the you, you once knew


What happened to the girl that dreamed dreams?
Or sat content without the finer things?
Studied it's wings
Pocket full of nothing
Heart full of things


i guess it's been foolish to strive for such things
Hope has been waiting...It's been anticipating...it's long overdue
Bid it farewell
It might not come back, to someone like you
Kissed it goodbye, don't even bother to cry
The you, you once knew, no longer lives by.

Strong Enough

I'm caught in a pattern
And I can't escape
I feel it's too late
For me
How did this happen
Where did I go wrong
This hold is too strong
For me


Sometimes surviving is all the living I can handle


I hate to have to ask this
But life has left me no choice
I can barely speak above a whisper
Cruelty has robbed me of a voice
Are You strong enough?
Are You strong enough?
Are You strong enough for me?


Do You hear my whispers in the dark?
Do You feel the ache that tears my heart apart?


And I don't think I can do this one more time
Long been out of reasons to give it one more try


I'm already at my limit
And I don't see surviving this
But you're telling me to hold on
It's a good thing Your grip is strong


Because I hate to have to ask this
But I will til I believe


Sometimes surviving is all the living I can handle
But somewhere inside me
I know I'm made for more


And when I'm finally quiet
I softly hear You say,
"I promise this gets better
Please don't lose your faith
I know the hurt seems unending
And you can't find an escape
I promise I'm not leaving
I won't let you slip away."


"So baby please ask Me
Ask til you believe
I don't mind proving
My love for you runs deep
I'm strong enough
I'm strong enough
I'm strong enough for you."


You're telling me to hold on
It's a good thing Your grip is strong

Ten Digits

ten digits away at the very best/at the worst she never answers the phone/never thought doing nothing would be the hardest/every day a battle I don't think I've won/can someone tell my aching heart how to let go/it's like she's in my living room/afraid to get comfortable/a haunting memory of what will never be/I was doing just fine/learning how to survive/now I have to learn again/as we try to be friends/even at the thought of your voice/my days turn into white noise/I have to readjust the sounds/now that you're back around/but I don't know if I can/I wrote you a book/and I poured my heart out/now I'm going crazy/to drown out the sounds/the echoes of us/they're causing this chaos in my head/I thought this was dead/and I was learning to survive with it's absence//I never stopped loving you/even though I tried/I never stopped missing you/though I refused to cry/I couldnt get myself to forget/but I begged to/it broke my heart to remember/but I couldn't erase you/I would look at pictures of us/and try to set myself free/but the longer I looked at us/the stronger the hold of the memories/if all I had to hold was what I could remember/I would stare at those pictures forever//so tell me what do I do now/were so close and still so far/how do I reach you without losing me/can we be us without destroying anything/I have hold of the questions/right or wrong I have them all/I need them to be answered now

It's Partially True

I miss you
I love you
At least I think I still do


The sound of your laugh, still resounds in my head
The touch of your hand, a warmth I won't soon forget
But your leaving, left a break I can't mend
And the silence screams, all the hurtful words you said


I did before
And I still do
At least some days it's partially true
I've said it before
And I'll say it again
As long as I don't have to pretend
I miss you
I love you
At least I think I still do


The thought of your smile, makes my heart melt
The phantom of your lips, reminds how great it felt
But your cruelty, came like a thief in the night
You stole away, the tears I shouldve cried

What Are We Doing?

I wanted, I needed almost anything from you
I could have handled anything but the truth
It hurt to watch you hurt me
You never did blink twice
It's funny to watch the tables turn
You want back in my life
Fool me once shame on you
But fool me twice and the fault is all mine
And to think I ever thought
I couldn't live without your love
I'm living more now than I ever was


Five months of silence and now here we are
So much more than a thousand miles apart
I thought I use to know you but all that's changed
I don't care to play these games
So tell me what were doing
How do you explain any of this
Am I the only one of the two of us
That none of this settles with
It's true youre free to come and go and stay as you please
It's unrealistic to expect that I'll be waiting


I can't even pretend that I understand
There are days I won't and the rest I just can't
None of this makes sense
There's nothing I can wrap my head around


What are we doing
What is this, what are we
This undefined, surface lying shit doesn't work for me
I want what we were with who we are now
But I don't even know what you want
Or why you came back


You said you didn't know me
And didn't trust me
Told me that I was a stranger


Do you know me now