sometimes i wish i was still young, that i didnt ever have to grow up...perhaps a neverland mentality, but at least things would be simple, i would understand less and therefore worry less...or would i worry more? mindless questions that have unconsequential answers, but i ask them anyway...
i come to crossroads in my life and am afraid of what ill find depending on which road i take, funny how things work out though...what at first i thought i wanted now i really dont know...it doesnt sound as good when the thoughts come from outside my head, especially from someone else...can anyone help?...
i close my eyes and blink twice hoping things will be different, that somehow my blinking works like magic that isnt real, its all an illusion...if i cant see it is it really there?...if i pretend to not feel it can i really not care and simply go on with my life as if nothing had changed, as if there werent a gigantic question mark standing idle in my way...waiting for me to make a decision on something id rather not think...
are these thoughts confusing anyone other than me?...
people who have come and gone and already crossed this point have made it look so easy, and believe me ive heard some stories...
i think i just feel messed up, and though i know im not the only one it doesnt always feel that way...
and sometimes i feel like im stuck in someone elses life, that im doing things i wouldnt normally do and saying things i wouldnt normally say...sometimes it feels like a game and i dont have a choice but to play...
my head often literally feels weighed down by the thoughts that cant seem to make up their mind, but they cant...theyre just thoughts in my mind and im the one that cant decide...cant even choose which ones are from me, or from God, or from the enemy who loves to screw with me...
when my head feels like this even a soliatry place isnt quiet...
someone out there reading this has to know what its like to go through this...and id prefer more than just a nod of the head...
ive been here before, written about it before, so i know theres more after this, where there is less thinking and more decision making but whats right is easy...but right now i just kinda feel like it sucks to be me...
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