Fighting For

fighting for that moment of clarity...for that fresh air to breathe...for that shift in the atmosphere that makes it all okay...fighting to see the path less traveled by...to lose my footing and touch the sky...to gain my purest joy with those beginning steps...fighting to lose my fear and emptiness...to fill the void with nothing less than all there is...to seize every last moment that creates my silver lining...fighting for the beauty in the broken...for your closed heart to open...for every eye to believe there's more than this...fighting for the point of life...

Needing Someplace Simple

Somplace quiet.
Someplace out of the way and in the middle of it.
Someplace where I can quietly scream all of life's contradictions to an audience of empty chairs.
Someplace that's mine.
Somewhere I can bleach the walls and make them my canvas.
Someplace where the world knows my story but I'm anonymous.
A place where I can forget all of this for a time or for forever.
I need someplace simple.

Their Words Mostly Noises

The final grain on sand fell at the stroke of midnight and then the clock stopped keeping time. I held my breath for but a moment and then the moment lingered and I was afraid to breathe again. Afraid reality would set in. It's not fair. I wasn't ready. And they all mean well by their words but they aren't comforting. Their voices fading noises as my strength vanishes. And I'm barely standing for inside I'm shattering. I've lost all feeling. I want to be moving but I can't convince my feet to go. The voices are calling but I can't tell which was leads out of this fog. And the voice that's always been my saving grace is suddenly gone. All the other ones are wrong and unfamiliar. I can't hear the voice that made the noise make sense. My heads in a cloud and I want to come down but I can't. Everything is muffled and distant. It's not fair. The noise is unfamiliar.

What Then?

Are you protecting yourself
By protecting everyone else
It's not your job
You have your own melody
But you're too busy saving
What about your song


I understand there's no you without them
But if you lose yourself, what then


What good will you do if you're gone
If the soul the world loves gets lost


When the going gets tough you shut down
Afraid to feel
When your heart breaks you cover it
Unwilling to heal


I understand there's no you without them
But if you lose yourself, what then


What good will you do if you're gone
If the soul the world loves gets lost
If you can't find your way home
And get caught in a place we can't go
What then


It's painful to watch
You come to a full stop
Unable to go on
And it's selfish to think
We don't need
To be there for you

Do It With A Heart Wide Open

"say what you need to say." John Mayer


Do it with a heart wide open.
Say it.
Now.
Don't wait.
You can't afford it.
They can't afford it.
Stop living the same old moments.
There's no weakness in giving in.
So say it.
Now.
Shaking hands and closing eyes.
Do it with a heart wide open.
Say it.
One breath to steady yourself.
Then say it.
You can't wait any longer.
Now say it.
Don't worry about what happens after.
Just say it.

To Get To Me

my hearts not
mine to have and to hold
or to let you break
my hearts not
mine to keep or to give away
so dont ask for it


i gave my heart
to the One
who will keep it safe
so i dont have to worry


if youre sure
its the heart you want
you have to go through Him
to get to me


i could spend my days lost in a dream
fantasies of what love could be
funny thing about dreams
you always wake up
its not fair to play these game with my heart
to let it get attached to a dream
it could miss the real thing

Wish I Could

i wish i could make it all go away
keep all the tears at bay
i hate to see that look in your eyes
i wish i could turn back the clock
to be somewhere were not
faced with something so final
im still trying to figure out
how we got here
why this
why now
i wish i could end your hurt
this should be another world
but this is our hand at life
i wish i could push fast forward
and go springting towards
the place where all this is over

Tears of Inevitability

And it's okay to linger here.
Cry another bowl full of tears.
As you're resting your head on my shoulder.


Don't be afraid to cry.
I'll hold you through this long night.
As your world
Threatens to crumble.


You don't need to say a word.
I just need to be sure.
You'll see the sun through the thunder.


Never
Think
You have to do this alone
Being
The strong one
Only protects you for so long
Don't
Shut out
My heart along with the hurt
You're here
Safe dear
Unscathed by the world


So cry your tears of inevitability
It's okay
I'm here
Don't be afraid to let them fall free
It's okay
I'm here

I'm Not Ready

I'm not ready for it to be over. I'm not ready for us to part ways. I'm not ready to say goodbye to you. But these are things you'll never hear me say. I'm not ready for the silence. I'm not ready for life to change. I'm not ready to stop seeing you. But these are things you'll never hear me say.


Because...


I don't want you to fight for me. And though I don't want you to die. I don't want you to live for me. That's not right. I don't want you to stay. And though I don't want you to leave. None of this is about me. And I will never be ready.


So...


Go when you feel like you must. There's no rush. But I'll be alright. It's okay if you don't hold on. You raised me strong. And I will survive.

Heart Breaking

You're breaking my heart. One day at a time. It's little more off rhythm. Then it was last night.


And I'm falling so hard. Too fast and too free. Without your direction. It's all so incomplete.


And I dread the morning. That will start all my days. Waking to nothing. With a thousand words to say.


You're breaking my heart. One day at a time. It's a little more fragile. Then it was last night.


I dread the morning. I turn your bed light on. The pillows haven't been moved an inch. And I know you're gone.

Cry A Little Longer

Cry a little longer with me. Shed another thousand tears. And the river will run to the sea. Cry a little longer with me. And maybe when the last tear falls. It will be beautiful after all.

In My Arms

I'm going to hold you in
Safely in my arms
Until I can't
Any longer
Until deaths grip is stronger than my own
I'm going to hold you
Here just like this


I'm going to hold you in
Safely in my arms
Until I know
Undoubtedly
That you're long since gone
I'm going to hold you
Here just like this


I'm going to hold you in
Safely in my heart
So I can feel you
And I know you're never far
I can't hold you here in my arms
So I will hold you in my heart


I'm going to hold you in
Safely in my arms
Until I can't
And then I'll hold you in my heart

It's Not Much Time

One year.
Maybe less.
But not more.
One year.
It's not much time.
With life in the fast lane years pass like days.
One year.
One birthday.
One Thanksgiving.
One Christmas.
One less then we thought she'd miss.
One year.
Maybe less.
At most, 365 days we can choose not to take for granted.
One year.
Maybe less.
But not more.
One year.
It's not much time.
But maybe it's enough.
One year to say 'i love you'.
365 days to say 'thank you'.
8,760 hours worth of memories.
525,600 breath taking moments.
31,536,000 seconds you'll never have again.
One year.
Maybe less.
It's not much time.
But maybe it's enough.

That Day

I can't get that day out of my head. That day you held me so tight and told me you loved me. You were hurting and I refused to crumble. I couldn't let you see that in me. That day feels like it belongs to someone else now. It's apart of another world. And I can't get that day out of my head. Tell me, do you regret it? Any of it? All of it? That day wasn't suppose to turn out like this. We were suppose to be together long enough to fix it. Now you're there. And I'm here. And that day is someplace else and out of reach. A fading, aching memory. I can't get that day to let me be. I don't regret it, but I don't want to remember it. I don't think that day a mistake, but I want it to go away. What I wouldn't give for that day.

And I Wonder

Wide awake at night
The ceiling rests between me and the stars
I slowly drift to dreaming
But it can't soothe the aching of my heart


And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
Sometimes I dare to ask
But thinking twice i'd rather believe my lies


Memories flash before me
Leading to an ending that doesn't fit
If I knew what went wrong
I'd go back and just rewrite the script


And I wonder if you feel like somethings wrong
Sometimes I dare to ask
But I'm scared to know it's what you want


And I wonder if your heart aches just like mine
Sometimes I dare to ask
But not sure I'm strong enough for what I'll find


Wide awake at night
The ceiling rests between me and the stars

I Miss You

I don't miss what were not
And i don't miss who we were
I don't miss what couldve been
But I miss you


I don't miss the lonely nights
And I don't miss the useless fights
I don't miss making up
But I miss you


I don't miss what I didn't want
I don't miss what I couldn't keep
I don't miss the deafened dreams
But I miss you

You Wanted It

If anything
It wasn't something I consciously wanted at all
You wanted it
In fact
You asked for it
I just took the torch and ran with it
And believed
(some days it feels like I did so foolishly)
That we would go far
Five years is a good run
And if five years is all we get
Were going to rewrite the end
Were going to fix this
And if
After all the repairs
We don't want to maintain it
Then
Were going to walk away
Wihout burning it to the ground
You wanted it built
You asked for it
Don't leave it like this

Eclipsed

im broken and im battered/im looking toward the after/but i cant see through the chaos/theres no light in this fog/im burning for just a glimpse/but all of this/has all but eclipsed my sight of You/im longing to see the Son again/oh will this ever end...


You said stand/when ive done all i can do/so here i stand/wanting more than just a glimpse of You...


come overshadow/what fights to consume me/its a beautiful disaster/thats dangerously captivating...


my confidence is shattered/my faith is slowly fading/i know You have a purpose/but im weary and impatient/im longing for just a glimpse/but all of this/has all but eclipsed my sight of You/i want to breathe fresh air again/oh will this never end...


come overshadow/what fights to consume me/its a beautiful disaster/thats dangerously captivating/come fill the silence/that has me mesmorized/how can i rescue/if im dying along side...


oh oh oh/all of this has all but eclipsed my sight of You/oh oh oh/all of this has all but eclipsed my sight of You...

Her

i watch her
and i wait for her
im breaking
as i stand for her
im waiting
as You long for her
return


i smile
as i think of her
im crying
for i cant reach her
im praying
You capture her
always


for theres a calling on her soul she cant ignore
and You care too great to let her wander far
You long for her to dream the dreams You have forever
and fall into the only love worthy of falling for

Here & There

My head is here
My heart is here
Most of the time
That is


But now and then
I find my heart
Is back home
With you


Longing for
The best of both my worlds
Wishing to
Be here and there
Praying for
The ache to go away
Waiting for
Love to come again